What a Known-Donor Agreement Should Cover

If you are using a known donor, meaning someone you found yourself rather than through a sperm bank, a written agreement is one of the most important things you can do. It makes everyone's expectations clear before emotions and a baby are involved.

An agreement is not a substitute for legal advice. Parentage law differs a lot from state to state. In some states a donor who does not go through a licensed clinic or physician can be treated as a legal parent, with rights and child-support obligations, whatever your contract says. Talk to a family-law attorney in your state, and ideally the donor and recipients should each have their own.

Topics to cover

Parental rights and responsibilities

• That the donor does not intend to be a legal parent, and the recipients do.
• That the donor will not seek custody or visitation, and the recipients will not seek child support.
• For couples: steps the non-biological parent will take to secure legal parentage, such as a confirmatory or second-parent adoption, or a parentage judgment where available.

Contact with the child

• Whether the donor will have any contact, how often, and in what role (for example, family friend or none at all).
• Whether the child can contact the donor later, for example at 18.
• What the child will be told about how they were conceived.

Health and testing

• Which STI tests the donor will take, how often, and how results will be shared.
• Sharing family medical history, and updating it if something new comes up.

Practical arrangements

• How many attempts or cycles you are agreeing to, and how attempts are scheduled.
• Who pays for what: testing, kits, travel and legal fees.
• Whether the donor may donate to other families, and if so, how many.

Privacy

• Who may know the donor's identity, and what may be shared on social media.

What if things change

• What happens if the recipients separate, if someone moves, or if a party dies.
• How you will resolve disagreements, for example through mediation.

Why it is worth the effort

Most known-donor problems come from expectations that were never said out loud. Writing things down, with an attorney's help, protects the child, the recipients and the donor.

Local Sperm Donor is a directory, not a legal service. Nothing in this article is legal advice.